MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK (via Mikey)

today'sFUNNY===========================

MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK

~ Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'

~ To err is human; to forgive is not company policy.

~ Important documents that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

~ There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

~ If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

~ If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

~ The authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens he/she is carrying.

~ No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

~ The longer the title, the less important the job.

~ Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

~ Success is only a matter of luck; just ask any failure.

[forwarded by Gretchen Patti]

today'sTHOT============================

I'm gonna miss Kadafi's outfits. He makes Lady Gaga look like Johnny Cash.

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Holiday Foolishness

Top 20 worst Nativities from whyismarko.com

Merry Kitschmas on Flikr

Jesus Kitsch on Flikr

And just for good measure - ShipofFools kitschmas

So have yourself a merry little kitschmas

More from Mikey

I don't drink the stuff, but in case you do...Mikey

SIGNS YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE

~ Starbucks is accepting bids for a franchise located in your house.

~ The National Bank of Columbia has offered you a Platinum Visa card with zero percent interest.

~ Folgers has offered you a "distributors" franchise for your block.

~ Your co-workers are getting rich buying stock in companies that manufacture foam coffee cups.

~ You just went to the store and bought ten cases of non-diary creamer "to get you through the week."

~ Those strange footprints in the ceiling of your office.

~ You haven't slept in a week and no one notices, not even you.

~ You find yourself sneezing Folger's Crystals.

~ Juan Valdez starts sending you hand-written Thank You notes.

~ You eat garlic to overcome coffee breath.

~ Your dentist upgrades to a belt sander.

~ Alvin & the Chipmunks start to sound like Barry White.

~ Auctioneers begin to make sense.

And the number 1 Sign You've Had Too Much Coffee...

~ YYoouu ssttaarrtt ttyyppiinng lliikkee tthhiiss..

From Mikey For Mothers

REAL MOTHERS...

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried Playdough doesn't come out of shag carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask, "Why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "Because I love you best."
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade. It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom...

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THE IMAGES OF MOTHER

4 years old: My Mommy can do anything!
8 years old: My Mom knows a lot!  A whole lot!
12 years old: My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 years old: Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 years old: Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 years old: That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 years old: Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 years old: Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 years old: Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 years old: Wish I could talk it over with Mom

today'sTHOT============================

DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it... 

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For My Folks

PERKS OF REACHING 50 OR BEING OVER 60 AND HEADING TOWARDS 70

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm. 

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 

[forwarded by JR Whitby]

today'sTHOT============================

Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone. That's actually what caused many of their deaths...pillow fights.

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