Monday, November 10, 2008

For Those Promoting Traditional Marriage

Is this the type of Biblical Marriage you are promoting:

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

Find a prostitute and marry her. 
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. 
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. 
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. 
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. 
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. 
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. 
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.) 
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. 
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." 
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though). 
-- David (2 Samuel 11)

Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law). 
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. 
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

A wife?...NOT!!! 
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)


At November 10, 2008, Blogger johnsue said...

Oh, oh, oh how I love you! I'm getting over my anger, but am frustrated by the negativity being portrayed by the demonstrations... "can't we all just get along?" Hugs, mom

At November 11, 2008, Anonymous Mitch Lewis said...

David - This is what your own church says:

We affirm the sanctity of the marriage covenant that is expressed in love, mutual support, personal commitment, and shared fidelity between a man and a woman. . . . We support laws in civil society that define marriage as the union of one man and one woman.

United Methodist Church

I don't think that you have accurately portrayed the thinking of the members of your own church with whom you disagree. The naive and literalist hermeneutic doesn't represent me or the other members of the United Methodist majority that I know. If you've followed the debates within the church, I'm sure that you know that.

For a different arrangement of your biblical citations, see, What's the Trajectory, Kenneth?

For me, the biblical material most directly impacts how Christians should live. The connection to civil society is less direct.

At November 11, 2008, Blogger David said...

Thank you for your concern, and for the reminder of the Discipline I know all too well.

At November 12, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I particularly like this post because I for one have felt that the reading of marriage between a man and a woman has been what Mitch called literalist. I love that you found examples that just fogged what so many consider clear water. Marriage is spoke of in so many ways in the Bible. I for one love the sarcasm in this post and couldn't agree more with the underlying sentiment that you do in fact have to seek more than the black and white text.


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