Moral Judgement
The time has come to render some judgement and I need some perspective.
This past weekend was the 30 hour famine with the church youth at Del Rosa UMC.
In the wee hours of the morning several of the girls decided to "water bomb" the boys room thereby leaving the boys soaked and their "flats" demolished.
The boys retaliated by pounding on doors and windows, waking the world with whistles and beating.
This was not all of the youth who participated. Those who did participate, broke the covenant we had for the event which stated that they would "I will not do anything to jeopardize my reputation or the integrity of another person. I understand the traditions listed above and those of the church are in place for my benefit and the benefit of others."
The integrity of the youth who had their space broken (emotional and physical, and spiritual disturbed by the offended) had their safety at risk. The church was by no means destroyed, but it was "inconvenienced" and as such did "jeopardize the reputation" of those who participated in the acts of "water bombing" and "noisemaking".
The offending parties were sent home.
Here comes the real moral dilemma. The youth gave an account the day of telling what happened, but did not tell of the counselors who instigated the fracas. One was only in for a few minutes and gave the girls an idea of what to do to disrupt the boys, and return the favor for the prank pulled on the girls last year, where the shoes were all pulled from the room, and laid out on the stairs of the church. Later, after talking with their parents the youths and parents came back to the leadership of the event and told of the leader who was most involved.
When that leader was asked directly about what happened, and whether she was involved, there was no claim, and she stated an alibi. This alibi was not confirmed, but the other pieces did not place her at the scene, nor did the girls mention her involvement. So, here I sit trying to figure out what to do with a youth leader who not only lied to my face, and the face of several other leaders and parents, but encouraged the youth to lie to protect her.
I have asked that she not participate as a leader until we get a chance to talk, and I think at this time I will probably be asking her to step out of youth leadership for a longer period of time.
The question that I have for the wisdom of my readers is the question regarding what an appropriate "healing" period might be, and what signs of repentance will be required before allowing her a space in leadership again.
Any help, thoughts, ideas or wisdom would be appreciated. Boundaries are hard to maintain.
Peace,
posted by David @ 4/05/2006
5 comments
5 Comments:
Shane,
I suspect that it has more to do with the individual's personal sense of "judgement" than what the actual outcome would have been. The repeated mistakes make it hard to see where the repentance is.
As for uptight, I have been accused of that on occasion, though I have mellowed quite a bit. The decision was made by several of the adults present at the time who had a variety of views of judgement.
The question of course came through to ask "what would Jesus do?" with the expected response that Jesus would simply forgive and move on. This is not what I would expect from Jesus as he repeatedly makes sure that people see the need to change, and sometimes does expell one from the midst, verbally or physically (cf. Peter and "get behind me Satan" and the money changers driven from the temple)
Peace,
Shane,
I forgot the most precious piece to the issue. Youth did not feel safe. A youth group and especially an event need to be safe places for youth to come, and parents to feel safe sending their youth to participate.
Peace,
I'd be a whole lot more concerned about the dishonesty than the original actions themselves. I don't know whether it was out of fear or simply out of trying to shield oneself from blame that the counselor in question lied, but that sort of deception should not be a part of a church group (even though it will always come up).
It's clear by the actions of the youth themselves, however, that they think somewhat highly of the counselor in that they were willing to protect her. Whether that in itself marks an inappropriate boundary (that they think of the counselor more as a cohort than as a leader) is one issue, but more importantly how her situation is handled will shape a lot of what the youth think about the church and its faithfulness. I'd be as upfront as possible about what the punishment is, why it happened, and what repentance will look like to try to cut down on rumors. In the end, though, a lot of how this situation turns out will be determined by the youth and the counselor, so who knows. Good luck with whatever you do, we'll be praying for you.
ps - the last post was made by Peter, rather than Amanda. Just in case you were curious.
David;
As a parent of a youth, I would fully expect him to be sent home for the rest of the retreat. A prank like this is certainly not the worst thing that could happen, but he (my son) needs to know the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.
As to the youth counselor -- I can't give advice about that. Only someone in the "thick" of it would have the answer. You have to be able to trust those who are working with the youth. Lies break that trust. Unlike Shane, I don't think that the atmosphere of your church (whatever that might be) is the only possible causative agent of a youth leader who feels that it is necessary (or expedient)to lie.
God be with you.
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